


Vacation for the Heart

by DaniJayNel



Series: 100 YumiKuri Stories [51]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: AU, Challenge fic, F/F, Nanaba's one-sided feelings, yumikuri
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-04
Updated: 2014-09-04
Packaged: 2018-02-16 03:38:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,866
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2254452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DaniJayNel/pseuds/DaniJayNel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>No matter how hard you try, your heart won't always listen. Nanaba hopes that with the vacation, she'll be able to let go.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Vacation for the Heart

**Author's Note:**

> This week’s prompt; “vacation” with drama! My sister also requested some interaction between Nanaba and Mikasa, and while this isn’t all that in depth, I think it’s adequate. They’d make the most interesting friends.

The drink burnt as it slid down Nanaba’s throat. She cringed, but drank again. It was a welcome distraction from the painful throb of her heart. Peaceful sounds of a nearby fountain filled her ears, yet she did not feel relaxed by it. A cold draft came in through the doors.

Nanaba placed the glass down on the table and stared down into it, sighing. She was never one to drink. This time was the exception. She did not know what else to do. Was there any other way to cope?

“Didn’t take you for an alcoholic.” It was Mikasa. She filled the seat beside the tall blonde and signalled the bartender towards her. “A water, please.” He nodded and went off to get the order.

Nanaba sighed again. “Me too.”

“Why did you come?” Mikasa asked. She shivered lightly from the cold wind and pulled her red scarf more tightly around her neck. The thin button-up white shirt she was wearing wasn’t doing much to protect her from the wind.

Nanaba did not know how to adequately respond. Even she wasn’t sure of the answer. Why had she come with, really? No one would have missed her. No one would have really noticed, either.

“Why did you?” Nanaba asked instead. “Annie couldn’t come, so why’d you leave without her?”

Mikasa looked down at her water, contemplating. “She didn’t want me to stay for her sake. She’ll travel here if she gets time off.” She sighed softly and carefully sipped at her water. “I was worried about you too.”

Nanaba snorted a little ungracefully. “I’m the least of your worries.”

“I mean it. Eren is off with Armin, so I know he’s safe. Berthold and Reiner will be with Annie every second at work.”

“And?”

“And you’re one of my friends.” Mikasa shifted in her seat, slightly uncomfortable. “I care.”

Even though a snide part of Nanaba wanted to chuckle and step away from the bar, the larger part of her felt appreciative. “It’s not _that_ obvious, is it?”

This time Mikasa cracked a small smile. “Nanaba, we all know. It’s written all over your face every second of the day.”

“Damnit,” Nanaba said with a fake frown. “Thought I’d hid it well.” She chuckled lowly, and then ran the tip of her finger along the rim of her glass. “I can’t help it, I suppose.”

“So why did you choose to come with?”

Nanaba glanced at Mikasa, finding the Asian woman staring at her with concern. “Closure,” she said. “Maybe if I sit through their wedding, these insistent feelings will go away.”

“It doesn’t work that way.”

“There’s nothing else I can do,” Nanaba said angrily. “I’ve tried for so many goddamn years but I just _can’t_ stop loving her.”

Mikasa grew still, eyes trained on her water again. She understood what Nanaba meant. No matter how many times she had tried, she had never been able to stop loving Annie. At the time of their adolescence, they had both been going through tough times. A relationship wasn’t what they needed. But her feelings never faded. After school she confessed, fully expecting a hard rejection. They ended up getting married instead. Love could be both cruel and beautiful, all at once.

“Watching the person you love marry someone else won’t stop your feelings,” Mikasa said gently.

“But it might knock some sense into this heart of mine.”

Mikasa didn’t respond. She thought of Annie then—her short tempered, short in stature but ferocious lover. She wished that she had been able to come with.

“The wedding is today,” Mikasa reminded. “Should the best woman really be drunk at the altar?”

Nanaba laughed and then pushed the empty glass away from her. “I just needed one to calm my nerves, that’s all. Shall we head back to our room and prepare? I think we have like two hours left.”

Mikasa stood with Nanaba and took the taller woman’s arm. They headed back towards their room.

The majority of their friends had been invited to Sina Island for Ymir and Krista’s wedding. Since Nanaba didn’t bring a date and Annie wasn’t able to come, Mikasa had offered to room with Nanaba so that the costs would be cheaper. It was also an attempt to keep an eye on the blonde.

Unfortunately they had gotten the room right beside Ymir and Krista’s, so they heard the couple giggling from the other side of the door. Nanaba cringed and Mikasa quickly pulled her into their room, and then she poked her stomach when the door was shut.

“Don’t think about it. There’s nothing you can do.”

Nanaba groaned and went to the window of their room. She pressed her forehead to the glass. “I want to be the one to make her laugh,” she admitted quietly.

“But you never will. It’s time to accept that, Nanaba.”

Nanaba felt arms wrap around her from behind and gasped lightly in surprise. Mikasa gave her a tight hug, and then just as quickly as it had happened, it ended.

“We all care about you. We want you to stop feeling terrible about this. Why don’t you just go home?” Nanaba turned to give Mikasa a level look. “I’ll get someone to step in for you. They’ll understand.”

Nanaba shook her head. “I can’t run. I have to stand there. I have to listen to their words of love and watch as they promise forever to each other.” Her voice wavered, but no tears formed. Nanaba was done with crying. “I have to burn it into my heart or I will never be able to move on.”

Mikasa sighed at the dramatic touch. Nanaba always had a way of winding more drama than necessary into her words.

“Alright, if you’re determined to do this then I’ll stop trying to convince you. Will you shower first, or will I?”

Nanaba waved her hand and then went over to the couch pressed against the wall. “You head in first. I’ll only take ten minutes, anyway.”

Mikasa merely nodded and then headed into the bathroom. She would take a long while in the shower and after she finally stepped out of the room she found Nanaba asleep on the couch, head tilted back and mouth wide open.

“Wake up,” Mikasa said evenly. She nudged Nanaba’s shoulder and then stepped back when Nanaba startled and her eyes snapped open.

“What?!”

“I’m done. You can shower now.”

Nanaba blinked, and then she wiped her face with a hand. “Oh. Yeah.”

Mikasa sighed lightly as she watched Nanaba head for the bathroom. There was nothing she could do anymore. She had hoped to convince Nanaba to leave, but the blonde was stubborn. If she truly wanted to be there, then Mikasa could do nothing more than provide support and comfort if it was needed.

XxX

Ymir grumbled in annoyance and kicked at the ground as she walked. The floor beneath her feet was covered in lush, red carpet. Though the place had been expensive, she supposed it was worth it in the long run. Ymir was never much for outlandish anything, but she wanted to make their wedding something special. Krista had argued against going this big, but Ymir felt a need to spoil her.

Right now she was walking towards the hotel bar. She was already suited up and ready for the ceremony, but Krista had kicked her out of the room before Ymir could see her dress. The blonde was fixated on the idea of Ymir waiting to see it. The brunette didn’t really get it, but after the door was locked she didn’t have much of a choice.

Exactly thirty minutes remained, so she figured she’d have a drink until she was needed.

Ymir stepped into the open area of the bar, admiring the large fountain at the back. Her eyes swept from it to the bar, where a familiar figure sat, nurturing a glass of dark brown liquid.

“Yo,” Ymir greeted with a smile. She took a seat and lifted a hand.

“Hi,” Nanaba replied. She sent Ymir a strained smile, grateful that the brunette didn’t seem to notice it. She suddenly regretted ignoring Mikasa’s urging and heading down for a drink after her shower.

“You look nice,” Ymir complimented. She reached out and ran a finger along the bright white of Nanaba’s shirt. She had a black suit vest on, which hugged her broad torso. Saying that she merely looked handsome was an understatement.

“Thanks,” Nanaba said. She flicked her eyes over Ymir’s similarly clothed body, admiring her lean form. “You do too. Krista is lucky.”

Ymir grinned broadly, obviously in full agreement. “And damn am I lucky too.”

“What are you doing out here?” Nanaba supposed that she should be polite and offer up conversation. Even though she and Ymir used to be the closest friends around, things had been strained lately. Ymir had even picked up on, which was why Nanaba had been so surprised when Ymir had asked her to be the best woman.

“The squirt kicked me out. Sasha and Mina are helping her get ready.”

Nanaba nodded as she chuckled. She started on her drink again, almost deciding to get something stronger when she was done.

Ymir eyed her warily. “You okay? You don’t normally drink unless something is wrong.”

“That’s so observant of you, Ymir,” Nanaba said drying. She hated how cold she sounded, and even more so when hurt flashed across Ymir’s brown eyes. The brunette cleared her throat and turned forward to focus on her drink. “I’m sorry,” Nanaba said. “I didn’t mean to sound so off.”

Ymir didn’t shrug it off. “What’s been going on with you lately?” She turned to Nanaba again, eyes hard and searching. “We never hang out anymore. You act like a stranger. Sometimes I feel like you don’t even give a shit about me anymore.”

Nanaba wanted to laugh, she honestly did. Was Ymir truly that oblivious?

“You really have no idea?”

Ymir threw her hands up, almost sending her drink flying. “If I did why the hell would I ask you? Krista told me to just leave you alone but I’m sick of this. Over the last few years you’ve just… you’ve changed! What the fuck did I do for you to shit on our friendship like this?”

Nanaba wondered if Ymir’s sudden outburst was the result of bottled up frustrations. This time the blonde laughed, and it seemed to anger Ymir further. Nanaba downed the last of her drink and then drummed her fingers on the table.

Maybe this was a chance for her to finally get it off her chest—to confess and be done with the secrecy and lies.

“Do you really want to know?” Nanaba asked seriously. She titled her head to regard Ymir, and felt pleased that the anger had dimmed some.

“Of course I do!” Ymir answered. Her brows furrowed. “I miss you, man. No one else gets me like you. Why have you distanced yourself like this?”

“Because I’m in love with you,” Nanaba answered steadily. She did not waver from Ymir’s gaze, and held it even when Ymir’s eyes widened in absolute shock. She sighed. “I know. Shocking, right? Here I am, attending my best friend’s wedding while I am deeply in love with her.” She laughed at the irony and then ordered another drink.

Ymir’s mouth opened, but no words came out. She looked like a goldfish. Nanaba didn’t say anything either. She merely allowed herself to wallow in the grief that washed over her at having said the words and the relief that followed. A horrible weight left her shoulders and heart. It felt amazing.

“Nanaba… I…” Ymir’s face contorted in many different emotions. She couldn’t figure out how to react until she eventually settled on anger. “Why the fuck did you never tell me?!”

Nanaba didn’t flinch. She downed half of her drink and then she rubbed the side of her face. Sleep was a difficult thing to catch sometimes. She definitely needed more sleep.

“Tell you and what? Live happily ever after with you? I knew that would never happen. You’ve been stuck on Krista since the moment you laid eyes on her. I’ve cared enough about you to keep my mouth shut and my feelings to myself.”

Shame and guilt washed over Ymir’s face, but the anger remained. “If you’d told me I… I’d...”

“You’d have what?”

“I’d have treated you differently!”

This time Nanaba did cringe. “That’s what I was afraid of.”

“No, I mean…” Ymir quickly took a drink and pressed her elbows to the bar. “I wouldn’t have come to you with every little problem involving Krista. Fuck, if I’d known I would never have been so physical with you.”

“Too late now. You’re getting married, and I’m on my way to finally letting you go.”

Ymir stared at Nanaba’s pain ridden face. She felt her heart throb, but looked away. “I’m sorry.”

“God no, don’t apologise.”

“Why me, though? Why would you feel that way towards _me_?”

Nanaba grinned lightly. “Why not?” She turned and met Ymir’s eyes. This time she was unable to hide all the adoration she felt, and Ymir could clearly see every bit of it. Nanaba was amused by the light blush that covered Ymir’s freckles.

“You go and marry your girl. I’ll be there by your side to cheer you on.”

“But…” _But what?_ Ymir thought to herself. There was nothing she could do. Her friend had feelings for her, feelings that she would never return. “Will you be okay?”

“Of course I will,” Nanaba said with a chuckle. “I’ve done this for ten years. I'm an expert.”

Ymir cursed lightly under her breath. “Holy shit, that long?” Nanaba nodded. Ymir glanced at her watch, finally remembering that it was about time to head out to the beach. “Look, it’s almost time… you… Are you sure you want to be there? I’ll let you leave if you want.”

“Ymir, I may be in love with you but I’m still your friend. What kind of friend would I be if I left on the biggest day of your life?”

Ymir rolled her eyes. “You wouldn’t be a dumbass, that’s for sure.”

Nanaba laughed. “I miss this. I’m sorry that I avoid you so often.”

“Yeah.”

“Can I ask for one favour though, before you give your heart away forever?”

“Please don’t ask me to kiss you. That’d be gross.”

Nanaba let her head drop to laugh, shoulders shaking. “I’d never.”

Ymir relaxed lightly and then nodded. “Okay, sure. What do you want?”

“A hug?” Nanaba asked softly. Her amusement faded away and her eyes softened. She looked up at Ymir with a pleading expression, and in all honestly Ymir could not find it in herself to say no.

“Sure, whatever. A hug is okay.” She dropped down from her seat and Nanaba did the same.

At first they merely stood there, awkwardly staring at each other. Ymir looked ready to run, while Nanaba began to sweat. The blonde looked panicked, as did Ymir. Eventually Ymir rolled her eyes and stepped forward, arms spread out to her sides.

“Are you gonna hug me or what?”

Nanaba swallowed. “Y-yeah.” She finally walked forward and wrapped her arms around Ymir. It took a second of hesitation, but then Ymir’s arms circled her too and Nanaba closed her eyes to sigh.

“Did you just sigh?”

“Just shh and enjoy the moment.”

Ymir rolled her eyes and felt uncomfortable all over. She couldn’t deny how nice it felt to hug her friend again after so long, but knowing that said friend had certain feelings for her made it feel a little… promiscuous.

Nanaba pressed her nose to Ymir’s shoulder and enjoyed the musky scent that she could only ever find on her friend. She enjoyed the firm body pressed to her own, and the warmth of her skin.

Eventually the hug came to an end, and it almost hurt to let go. But Nanaba had to, and when she did she offered a grateful smile.

“We don’t have to tell Krista,” Ymir said nervously.

“Jesus, we didn’t have sex Ymir. I just hugged you. Friends hug all the time.”

Ymir ran a hand through her hair in annoyance, but conceded with a nod. She was about to say something, but then Sasha came bounding into the bar.

“Found you!” she yelled. “Everyone is waiting, Ymir!”

Ymir checked her watch and cursed. “Damnit, we need to go.” She stepped towards Sasha, but then paused to look at Nanaba.

“I’ll be right behind you,” Nanaba reassured.

Ymir nodded once and then followed Sasha out of the building towards the beach. Nanaba watched for a few seconds, and then she sighed and followed.

It felt like she was one step closer to letting go, but so many steps behind. Maybe one day she would be able to look at her friend and not feel an urge to sob.

Above all else, Nanaba wanted to look at her friend and know that she was happy. Even if it wasn’t with her, Nanaba wanted Ymir to be happy. 


End file.
